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Posted by / 30-Dec-2019 20:40

As I waited for my Tinder date to arrive, I got deeper and deeper into his social media.

Sitting at the bar of a dimly-lit Toronto restaurant, I swiped through his Facebook photos to see a) if any of his girlfriends had mysteriously died or vanished à la Joe Goldberg or b) if any of them were Black.

This manifests in many ways, from harsh stereotyping to hypersexualization and the policing of our appearance.

This was just one of the sobering experiences that made me realize that as a Black woman, Tinder had all the same issues I face walking through the world, just on a smaller screen.

But afterwards, when I did a thorough Insta-stalk, I was kind of weirded out to find that there were more than a dozen photos of scantily-clad Black women on his page, clearly sourced from Google or Tumblr.

It’s hard to articulate why this made me uncomfortable but this feeling was hard to shake.

I owe it to myself to stay optimistic in spite of all of the disappointing dates that I have been on and all of the research and data that is so focused on how hard it is for Black women to find love. Subscribe to FLARE Need to Know for smart, sassy, no-filter takes on everything you're interested in—including style, culture & current events, plus special offers—sent straight to your inbox each day.

As a Black woman who's crossed the great racial divide more than once, I’ve seen first-hand how interracial relationships get judged and ostracized (I’ve been called out of my name many, many times).

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But if we look at Black female celebrities who date outside their race, it's a different story entirely.

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  1. However, it is not an offence if the person honestly believed that you were 16 or if there was less than a two-year age difference between you. For example, if a person is 17 and has sex with someone who is 15, it is not a crime.